


I Won't Forget You

by Amnesiriasis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kyoutani and Yahaba appear for like just a second, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4498476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amnesiriasis/pseuds/Amnesiriasis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MatsuHana Week, Day 2: Cream Puffs //<b> In the Background</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Forget You

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me,  I may not lead. There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.”

-George Sand

\---

It was peaceful and quiet, save for the crisp ticking of the clock and the faint beeps of the heart rate monitor echoing throughout the four corners of the white room.

By the window Hanamaki lay on the hospital bed, asleep. His expression peaceful despite the pain he had to go through the previous months. Matsukawa held on to the sleeping man’s hand, gently rubbing circles while humming a soft lullaby for his beloved boyfriend.

Bringing his boyfriend’s hand to his lips, he kisses it softly, whispering a short prayer for Hanamaki’s recovery. He doesn’t even know if someone up there will hear his prayers, but he’s desperate. Out of everything that’s been happening in his messed-up life, Hanamaki was his ray of sarcastic and sassy sunshine and although it may seem cliche and cheesy but the meeting cream puff-loving man was the best and most memorable event of his entire life.

Watching the strawberry blond man, Matsukawa couldn’t help but recall the day Hanamaki first showed symptoms of his illness.

\---

_It was a normal day at their apartment, he was cooking lunch while the other was just leaning on the wall, drinking coffee while reading the newspaper in one hand when he heard a crash from behind._

__

_Whipping his head to where the sound came from, Matsukawa notices the broken mug on the floor and Hanamaki just staring at it in confusion. He grabs a dustpan and broom to clean up the mess._

_“Next time be careful okay?” He tells the other._

__

_“That’s weird.”_

__

_“What is?”_

__

_“I’m pretty sure I had a tight grip on it.”  The smaller man looks at his slightly shaking hand._

__

_“Maybe your wrist is just tired or something?”_

__

_The other just shrugs but Matsukawa notices that Hanamaki was very baffled about what happened. After cleaning up the mess, the other approaches him and asks._

__

_“Is it just me or the coffee tastes weird?”_

__

_“Huh?” The taller man cranes his head to the side, confused, “hold on, let me check.”_

__

_Hanamaki seems to be weirded out when he said that there was nothing wrong with the coffee._

__

_“Oh, nevermind then,” Hanamaki concludes, “maybe I’m just feeling a bit ill I guess.”_

Little did they know it was something very serious.

\---

His reflection time was cut off  as his partner stirs awake, blinking sluggishly at him as if to focus his eyes on him.

“Hey.” He smiles at the newly awake man.

“Mmm.”

“Feeling alright?”

“Hungry.” The other man mutters as he rubs off the drowsiness from his eyes, “What’s for, uh?”

“Breakfast?”

“Mmhm.”

“Sorry Hanamaki but,” He tightens his grip on the others’ hand, “today’s your surgery remember? The doctor said that it would be best to have an empty stomach while you’re under anesthesia.”

The other man just groans and pouts a bit.

“Oh yeah, right.” Hanamaki sighs, “I almost forgot.”

Something about what his boyfriend said made Matsukawa sad. It may seem selfish or whatnot but he doesn’t want Hanamaki to forget the fun memories they made together, the trips they went to, the pranks they played on their friends and most of all, he wishes that Hanamaki won’t forget about him. It wasn’t fair or Matsukawa thinks so, Hanamaki didn’t deserve this and so did he and yes, this is truly selfish of him but can one blame a person who was denied of the love which he only felt during the times he spent with someone special?

“Matsukawa.”

His eyes snap open to look at the man lying on the hospital bed who was staring at him. He straightens his back and clears his throat, silently muttering an apology.

“Are you frightened?”

He just doesn’t speak,whether or not he’ll tell Hanamaki that he’s utterly and frightened to the bone but he couldn’t he has to stay strong for his beloved.

“You know, I’m frightened as well,” the other just looks at the blankets that cover his lower limbs, “especially when the doctor said that they might encounter a problem during the surgery.”

‘His memory and personality may also get affected and change.’ The doctor’s words rang in his head. He wasn’t that used to Hanamaki get all serious although there were times in the past but those were seldom.

“...But you know,” the ill man turns to face him, a peace sign and bright smile on his lips, “we’ll get through this!”

“Yeah,” Matsukawa smiled, “and after they release you from this hospital, I’ll treat you to some cream puffs to celebrate your recovery.”

“Aww that’s why I love you so much.”

He kept quiet, but smiled nonetheless.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“Remember when the doctor said that you might get amnesia?”

“You’re bothered about that?”

“No not really.”

“Pssh, is Matsukawa afraid of being forgotten? Is that it?” The other man punches him on the shoulder, taunting him.

‘Yes,’ Matsukawa instantly thinks, ‘if it’s you of course.’

“Don’t worry about it,” the other man reassures, “I won’t forget you.”

\---

A small knock on the hospital room was heard and the doctor came in.

"Mr. Hanamaki," they addressed before turning to Matsukawa to acknowledge his presence in the room, "it is time for your surgery, we might have discussed this with you before but these are the procedures that are needed to done..."

The doctor repeated the procedure of the surgery, how to deal with the after-surgery effect and healing process. After the discussion, several nurses came in and wheeled Hanamaki's hospital bed to the surgery room and after that, everything was a blur to Matsukawa, his mind heavy with anxiousness and fear.

If a second felt like hours then it felt like a lifetime waiting for Hanamaki's surgery to be over. His body felt so tired, fatigue and sleepiness slipping in his system but he couldn't sleep. He was so worried. He kept saying to himself to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

Shutting his eyes close, his mind drifts off elsewhere.

\---

_They were playing video games late at night in their apartment. Snacks and drinks  placed beside them on the floor as the the two of them had their eyes on the screen._

_"Damn it Matsukawa you're cheating!" Hanamaki growled as he started to smash the buttons of his controller._

_"No I'm not." Matsukawa was just tapping here and there and is still winning._

__

_The match ended with Hanamaki getting defeated by him._

__

_"You're totally cheating!"_

__

_"No I'm not."_

__

_"Yes, you are!" The frustrated strawberry blond gestured towards the gaming console, "like, how is it possible that you defeated me 10 times and I haven't beaten you in a single round!"_

__

_"It's just simple Hanamaki," Matsukawa clears his throat, "I am the chosen champion." To which Hanamaki just kicked him and climbed up on Matsukawa and started to tickling the giant dork._

__

_"You giant dork, no fair!"_

__

_Matsukawa was, unfortunately, very ticklish. He gasped for air while laughing hysterically, begging his boyfriend to stop._

__

_"That's it I'm getting a drink." The shorter man ceased to attack the giant and stood up, sticking his tongue out at Matsukawa, "and I'm not getting any for you! Bleh!"_

__

_He just chuckled as he watched the other saunter to the kitchen. He was cleaning up the mess when there was a huge ruckus in the kitchen. Quickly standing up, Matsukawa stumbles on his way there and upon reaching the destination, he sees Hanamaki lying on the floor, violently shaking, his complexion became horrifyingly pale by the second, and he was talking gibberish. He tries to calm him down, eyes wide in horror and panic while doing so. A few minutes after, Hanamaki calmed down, the violent tremors lessened, albeit being unresponsive he later came to his senses a few moments afterwards._

__

_"What happened?" The shorter man was at six and sevens with what has happened, "my head hurts."_

__

_"I think you just had a seizure attack."_

__

_"I had a what now?"_

__

_"You were violently shaking on the floor just now. Holy fuck are you alright?"_

__

_"What? I don't-- Uhh I feel like shit," Hanamaki raised his arms up to no avail, "Matsukawa, I feel so tired, carry me please."_

__

_He carried the other man who just leaned all his weight onto Matsukawa's arms; eyes slowly blinking as he yawned._

__

_"Matsukawa..." The other just muttered against the taller man's neck, "I feel so tired."_

__

_"Shhh... Everything's going to be fine."_

__

No it won't.

\---

Matsukawa doesn't notice that he fell asleep until he wakes up when there was a knock on the door.

"The surgery's done now Mr. Matsukawa."

"Mmm, thank you." Matsukawa stood up and stretched his tired limbs, "I'll follow in a jiffy."

The nurse nods and tells him the room where Hanamaki is currently staying in case he might have forgotten it and leaves. Matsukawa is left in the room, thinking to himself, he couldn't help but feel anxious and nervous.

Leaving the room, he walks through the white-clad hallway there were doctors rushing to the emergency room, children crying as they clung to their mothers. Passing through one of the rooms, he could see an old lady, clinging to the nurse while weeping mournfully, it seems like the old lady's son died.

He never did like hospitals in general, it was depressing to stay inside one.

Upon reaching his destination, the doctor greets him, ushering the tall man to where Hanamaki is currently residing while reporting the result of the surgery.

"The surgery went well, the tumor has been removed. He just needs to stay and rest for a bit but overall, he seems to be fine although..."

"Although what sir?"

"We'll never know until he fully wakes up."

Those words just left a bitter taste in his mouth.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

"Here we are," the doctor stops and turns towards the glass mirror beside them, "you still aren't allowed to enter the room due to hygienic reason. I'm sure you understand."

Matsukawa just nods as he watch his boyfriend sleeping peacefully. He notices several medical wires were attached to the ill man.

"He'll be needing some time to recover. We'll inform you when he's regaining consciousness."

"Very well then."

\---

"His condition is becoming more and more stable, he'll stir awake anytime."

After thanking the nurses and the doctor, Matsukawa sat beside the hospital bed, placing his hand on top of the other's.

"Hey, how are you?" He asks as if he's expecting an answer from the other.

He leans back to the chair and stretches his arms backward when his arm accidentally bumps his hand on the glass cup, making it fall to the floor which emits a loud crash.

"Mmm," Matsukawa swore he heard the other shift and turn.

Eyes blinking at him, there was a blank look at Hanamaki's face.

“Hey cream puff, how are you doing?”

The other man just looks at him confused, and asks him.

“Who are you?”

Matsukawa was taken aback by that sentence, but maybe Hanamaki was just playing with him.

“Oh c’mon Hanamaki,” Matsukawa laughs albeit a bit nervous, “stop that.”

The strawberry blond just looks at him as if he’s gone mad.

“I’m sorry but really though, who are you? Where am I?”

Matsukawa just stares at the very confused man, trying to find a spark of mischief in his boyfriend’s eyes but there was none, Hanamaki really did forget about him.

\---

_It was a rainy night, the sky almost white due to the heavy rain that befalls the city, not a soul can be seen on the streets except on young man who just ran away from home._

__

_Breathing getting ragged and heavy, Matsukawa  ran for shelter from the intense rain. Tears were streaming from his puffy eyes, a snarl forming on his lips as he muttered angrily at no one._

__

_“Fucking asshole thinks he owns us.”_

__

_His upper torso was hurting due to the earlier struggle he had with his step-father who was drunk. The trail of blood streaming from his nose disappeared from the downpour._

__

_He got kicked out of his own home after he and his step-father got into a heated argument after the other blamed him for an accident he didn't do._

__

_Spotting a small porch in front of a building, he took shelter under there and tried to calm himself but to no avail._

__

_Fists curled, knuckles turning white, he punched the cement ground and curled his body, trying to calm his breathing._

__

_"Mom, why did you have to go?"_

__

_Tears kept falling from his eyes, everything in his life was so wrong and he couldn't do anything about it and now he's just going to curl up there in front of some stranger's porch, probably waiting for death to come and get him from the cold, cruel and terrible life of his._

__

_"Hey, are you alright there?"_

__

_Looking up, Matsukawa saw a black umbrella and under that stood a young man, looking at him with curiosity._

__

_He wiped his cheek and muttered an apology and stands up, preparing to leave when the other just stops him._

__

_"You've gotta be crazy, you're going in that rain? You've got some death wish or something?"_

__

_"Maybe I do." He bitterly says, looking at the other who just seemed to be taken aback by his remark._

__

_As he just passed through the stranger, the other grabbed his wrist and shook his head._

__

_"At least wait until the rain stops before heading back there, you can stay over.”_

__

_Matsukawa turns and looks at the strawberry blond as if he just said he was a psycho._

__

_“What?”_

__

_“You heard me, get in.”_

__

_“Are you fucking crazy? No.”_

__

_“Get your ass inside right now before I knock you out and drag your pitiful ass inside.”_

__

_Matsukawa isn’t sure what to make out of this situation, some stranger is suggesting that he stay over until the rain stops._

__

_‘But what if he’s some weird psycho collecting victims  and drinks their blood to remain beautifully young.’_

__

_Either way he’ll just die out there._

__

_Reluctantly, he follows the other man into the small apartment. Its atmosphere was warm and homely unlike  outside._

__

_“Stay right here, I’ll get you a towel or something.” And with that the other disappeared to get some items. Matsukawa observed the living room, a brown couch was in the center, there was some potted plants and several photos hung from the beige and orange walls._

_“Here, I think these are your size, go ahead and use the toilet, it’s just by the staircase. I’ll prepare something.”_

__

_After changing, he notices some instant noodles and coffee and he just stares at it._

__

_“What?” The smaller man asked, “were you expecting something like a finely cooked soup and meal?”_

__

_He just shook his head and proceeded to eat with the other man._

__

_“Why?”_

__

_“What?”_

__

_“Why are you helping me?”_

__

_The other seemed to think for an answer before shrugging._

__

_“I guess I don’t want to learn that someone I could’ve helped end up on the street, er,” the other just leaned in his chair, “I dunno actually.”_

__

_Matsukawa just nods and the other looks at him._

__

_“So why were you out there in that horrible rain? And  are those bruises on your face?”  The other reached to touch his cheek._

__

_He couldn’t help it and he started to cry, he needed to release all those pent-up emotions that has been killing him for years so he started to tell this stranger about his life, how he was happy before his real father died, then his mother remarried some kind of monster and had to work abroad and now his horrible step-father couldn’t care less whether he dies out in this rain._

__

_Surprisingly, the stranger listened to his story with concern and sincerity. After listening to his story, the stranger reached out to him and wiped his tears._

_“I’m sorry if you had to go through all of that.”  The other looked at him, “uhm, if you want, you could stay here, I mean I live alone but yeah.”_

__

_Matsukawa couldn’t believe what he just heard._

__

_“What? But don’t you have others staying over here?”_

__

_The man told him about his past, how his parents were always abroad and he never did spend much time with them, how he grew up alone._

__

_The two were silent after their life confession towards each one._

__

_“Well, we confessed about our autobiographies to each other but we still don’t know each other’s names.” The strawberry blond laughs, “I’m Hanamaki. Hanamaki Takahiro.”_

__

_“Matsukawa Issei.”_

__

_“Nice to meet you then,” the  smaller man smiled at him and it was one of  the most beautiful things he saw in his life, “with me here, there’s no reason to cry now.”_

__

_Hanamaki just laughed and said that it was just a joke but to Matsukawa, it meant a lot to him._

__

_He saved his life that day._

\---

“Hmm, I don’t know Matsukawa-san, but,” Yahaba trails off, thinking of a suggestion, “what if you wait until Hanamaki-san’s memories comes back?”

“I don’t know about that,” Matsukawa anxiously mutters, “the doctor said that there were some cases that patients never did regain their memories after the surgery.”

“Maybe show him clues about his past and help him adjust to his surroundings?” Kyoutani nonchalantly shrugs.

“That’s it! Kyoutani you’re a genius!”

The said man’s face turned red at the comment and tries to maintain a scowl but it isn’t that effective anyway.

\---

After Hanamaki’s last check-up, he was allowed to leave the hospital. Matsukawa had planned for some trips to aid Hanamaki in remembering.

He gave Hanamaki time and space to adjust to his surroundings, he took him to the places they once dated; where they went kayaking on the lake which ended with the kayak turning around and both of them got wet, the theme park where Matsukawa got Hanamaki his fluffy stuffed bear, the cliff where they would watch the fireworks during the New Years, he even treated Hanamaki to cream puffs which the other man truly enjoyed. They had movie nights and they watched Hanamaki’s favourite movie, they even played games, went on food trips, and re-lived those dates but despite all of his efforts there has been minimal improvement.

‘Maybe now, he’ll remember,’ Matsukawa still held on to the hope that Hanamaki will remember, ‘I just hope he does.’

The drive to the city took some time and the journey was quiet.

“Hey, this was our, well technically yours, old apartment.” Matsukawa says as they reach their destination.

Matsukawa escorts Hanamaki around the old apartment.

“This was where you pranked me for the first time,” and I got you back over there.” He points over to the other room. Hanamaki looks around, staring at the photos on the walls.

“The places on the photographs were just like the ones where you brought me…” Hanamaki mutters.

“Huh?”

The strawberry blond placed the photos down and faces the taller man.

“Matsukawa, I appreciate all these efforts, the trips, the food-- especially the cream puffs but,” the other nervously fiddles with his hands, “why are you doing this?”

“That’s funny,” Matsukawa breathes out before running a hand over his hair, “that was the same thing I asked you before.”

“I mean, yes, I’ve been getting this feeling that I know these places, those people, and even you but,” the smaller man sighs, “it just feels like I couldn’t recall it, like it’s there but it’s in the background, I just couldn’t see it. It just seems so hopeless that I’ll regain my memories, I’m sorry.”

“But you are getting a feeling of familiarity, right? Then it means that there might still be hope that you’ll remember, so please,” Matsukawa pleads, “please, don’t say it’s hopeless.” Matsukawa holds Hanamaki’s hand, “You saved my life before, I’m not giving up on you.”

“But Matsukawa,--”

“Hanamaki please,” tears were threatening to fall from his eyes, “I’ve lost so much in my life, everything and everyone that I have ever loved, those memories are the only pleasant things I have ever known and almost every single one of those were spent with you so please, I know this is selfish of me but, I don’t want you to lose those memories.”

He couldn’t help it and the tears just flowed from his eyes.

“I know you’ll come back to me, so please, don’t give up on me. I don’t want to lose you too.”

He sunk to his knees, silently crying to himself when he felt the other kneel in front of him and reached out to him to wipe his tears.

“I remember now,” the strawberry blond mutters inaudibly.

Hanamaki leans forward to Matsukawa, and hugs him.

“I said I’ll remember you, right?”

Matsukawa’s eyes widened as he looked over to the other man, confused and eyes filled with hope.

“You finally remember?”

“Well, there are bits and pieces that are still a blur but, I think I remember some of the most important ones.”

\---

“But how? What triggered you to recall?”

“Maybe your tears are the sacrifice for my memories.”

“What?”

“Nah just kidding, but really though, when I saw you cry I somehow, kind of remembered.”

“Hanamaki that’s just-- you know what, nevermind.” Matsukawa shooked his head, “at least you got you memories back.”

The two cuddled closer, hands tangled together and fingers intertwined.

“Well, I did promise that I’ll remember you right?” Hanamaki smiled, “but really though, I’ll never forget you.”

****  


\---

"It was so risky and so scary, and yet at the same time, so beautiful. Maybe the truth was, it shouldn't be easy to be amazing."

**-Sarah Dessen**

**Author's Note:**

> I purely based the medical stuff from what I've read from Google, so do tell me if I got some (or most) of the facts wrong!  
> ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> Ay ayyy [basedmoniwa ](http://basedmoniwa.tumblr.com/) It be done ayy :^)


End file.
